Ok, so… we’re alive over here. And doing well. Just so busy. Even on the days when I don’t leave the house…. I’m still so busy. It’s amazing how much one little person changes the whole dynamic. I know it’s early on. I’m trying not to rush things. 6 months till a new normal. I know. I know : )


It’s just Izzy and I were in such a groove before we left for China and now there’s definitely NO GROOVE YET ! I know it’s coming though. It’s like I can hear the music in the distance and I know we’ll find our rhythm soon. I’ve had glimpses of it. A couple days and we’re getting into the groove of things and the next day the music stops all together. Then a couple more days of moving right along and then we screeeetch to a halt. I have to smile when I think about it because it’s not lost on me as to “why” we have these struggles. I see how the Lord uses these opportunities to stretch me. I'm not always smiling though : ) Just when I think this is all about transitioning Mari into our family I’m reminded gently that “no my dear, this is about you too”. He never misses an opportunity to draw us near to him. So, when I’m in tears because I’ve attempted big girl panties for Mari and it didn’t work out and she’s crying because she’s so upset that she had an accident during the night. I’m upset for her. I’m upset because the pee pee is so much that Piglet is soaked and it’s running off of the plastic mattress cover onto the carpet. I’m kneeling in pee pee trying to console her, trying to console myself. And she’s reaching for me to hold her but I can’t because I’m trying to get the wet clothes off of her. I’m in tears. She’s in tears. And I finally just have to hold her. That’s only thing that I can do to calm her. She’s covered in pee. Soaking wet. Now, I’m covered in pee….. ugh!!! And all I can think is “This is exactly what He does for us. He holds us even when we are filthy and covered in sin.” He holds us. So I held her. As tight as I could. I could feel her body relax as she sunk into my arms. I love the feel of my child in my arms. All stinky... I can't stand the smell of pee pee. Just can't stand it. Don't you love the irony in all of that. Believe me I wasn't smiling, but I held her as close to me as ever. It did give me some peace and the strength I needed to pull it together and go take a bath…..  and ended up having a sweet time in the bath at 6:00 a.m. with my littlest one. Knowing that He's carrying me through these struggles and teaching me all the while.... gives me a lot a peace. Oh, there’s the music again. Ahhhh!!

This is our life lately. Two steps forward, one step back. Still going in the right direction, so I’m grateful. I do miss the rhythm of my former life, but I’m looking forward to the sweet music of my new life.