I want to go back.....

I had the most incredible dream today. I never dream during the day because I never sleep during the day... but today out of utter exhaustion from Christmas craziness, I just collasped. I was planning to do another 10 more things while Izzy napped today, but about 2 into the list of 10 my body just gave out and I said that I was going to lay down for just a few minutes. Needless to say, I must have really needed it because I woke up 4o minutes later. When I woke I had been crying so hard I was soaking wet and I started remembering my dream. We were walking into the restaurant in Fuzhou that was right next to our hotel. We were with the Arnolds (Amy and Brad and their son Jacob) just like we were in May of this year. The only difference was that Izzy and Libi (their daughter) was much older. It was so sureal. I could smell the food. I could hear the cars bustling by. The palms trees were beautiful and the flowers were everywhere. Just like when we were there. And Katherine, our coordinator that became our great friend was there too. It was magical. I didn't quite understand why I was crying because in my dream everything was wonderful. But then I was struck by this overwhelming sadness, this longing to be back there. I knew that I had loved Fuzhou when I was there. It was a beautiful place to meet your daughter. The people were so kind to us. Our time there with the Arnolds was truly blessed. Going to Hidden Treasures and being with Mike, Deena and the children was something that I will never forget. But then we came home and life took over. You forget some of it. Every now and then I would think of China and marvel at how perfect it was. Our experience there was nothing short of wonderful. Today though..... I long to be there. My heart actually aches to go there again. Whether it's to bring home Izzy's mei mei, or just to go back with Izzy for a heritage trip or maybe even a mission trip to go serve at Hidden Treasures. Whatever the case may be, I really really really want to go back. I didn't know how much till today.

So I lay there overcome with emotion and feeling kind of silly. I mean this is a place that I only spent 14 days out of almost 39 years. When you look at it that way, it's a little silly. But these days I can't control what makes me emotional. God is in control and I'm so outta control. :) Then it dawns on me what woke me up in the first place.... I hear this little sweet voice through the monitor saying " Momma, I awake now..... come see" So, I had dry my tears quickly. Izzy hates to see me cry. She does not understand what happy tears are no matter how many times I tell her " It's ok, Momma's happy, not sad". Doesn't matter. It upsets her.

It was beautiful seeing China again even if it was just in my dreams and I may not be able to be in China right now or even soon, but holding Izzy reminds me that I have the next best thing. So I told her that I had a dream about China (she doesn't quite get dreams yet either) and that I was thinking about our family going back to China one day and that I pray that we will be able to. And just so matter of fact she says " Yep, Momma. We are going to China, not yet though. We are not ready." Sometimes, Izzy has more wisdom at 3 than I do at almost 39.