Everything has changed

Ok, so I'm reading Radical by David Platt right.... Whew!!! And it's everything I thought it would be. So hard. I put it down overwhelmed every night. I'm usually a fast reader, but this book requires so much thought. I look up everything. I have a hard time believing everything I read. I've learned to filter it all through scripture, so it's taking me awhile to move through it. Someone in the beginning of the book that wrote commentary on it said that it will be a book that you will put down often just because of the uncomfortable nature of it. Yes, it has made me uncomfortable. I put it down constantly because I'm truly shaken by it. You know when the Holy Spirit is trying to tell you something? Some of us call it gut instinct. I know it's the Spirit leading me. I'm learning to listen better, but I've also chosen to ignore many things that are too difficult to face. Recently I've had to really look at myself, my life, my calling. To see clearly what God is calling me to. What He is calling all of His people to. Some of these things have been coming to us (my husband and I) slowly before I started reading this. But this book has confirmed many things for me. Some of the things are so scary to me. Some will require so much more than I think I'm capable of. And I know intelligently that the Lord will not call us to something that He won't equip us for. I know that. But I'm scared in a crazy excited kind of way.

I just finished Chapter 6 last night. It ended talking about orphans. I've had a burden for them for awhile now. Obviously we're adopting our second daughter that was orphaned in China. But the thing is that while adopting orphans is a beautiful gift and absolutely a calling from God it is not enough. I've known this for awhile but have chosen to do nothing about it. We give to ministries that care for orphans and Yes, that is great. However; last night when I went to sleep in my big comfy home filled with plenty of food (a chest freezer because I need more space to store all the food), plenty of things (two attics filled with things, a barn/shed outside filled with things)...... by the time my head hit my pillow 26 thousand children died because of starvation and preventable diseases. I am not doing enough. I'm not. I've known this for awhile and I can't continue to live this way. I am slowly realizing that I am blessed by God for a global purpose and I am going to do something about it. Please pray for us. For God to show us clearly how to make a difference. I have a plan, but I want it to be His plan.

Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.... David Platt Radical

Everything has changed. My world is up side down right now. Absolutely up side down!